Travis LaFrance
At Home in the Halls of Power

Manning LaPhone Bank

As any patriot should, I signed up this week at ACT to get on the phone and call voters in Ohio, imploring them to get out and do their patriotic duty next Tuesday. I reported to a drab office space in Brooklyn, where the organizer distributed lists of voters and a script to read from. He suggested, however , that we alter the script to reflect our own personality. So with a little work, I trotted out this little prose poem, a document surely to be filed alongside the Federalist Papers by historians studying the effect of the written word on our politics.

SCRIPT

Hello, is ---------- available? This is Travis LaFrance calling. Yes, the Travis LaFrance. I'm not calling on behalf of any political party or organization, simply as one patriot to another, to remind you that the fate of the republic and the western canon are in your hands next week. As much as we'd all like someone of my insight and wisdom to simply choose our leaders, this is a democracy, and I am allowed only one vote.

Surely you're hoping that I've decided to run for office. Not the case. I love politics passionately, but still she is but my mistress. My wife shall always be literature, in sickness and in health.

With regards to the upcoming election, have you read and/or purchased a copy of my latest masterwork, Toro?

If Yes: Your enlightenment is evident, my dear friend. I don't imagine you need any more guidance on how to cast your vote.

If No: Good God! Our Democracy is imperiled! If you hope to make an informed vote next Tuesday, you simply have to join the 21st Century and read the book. It's available from all the leading chains, or, if you have a credit card handy, I can take your order now.

I'm sure you appreciate my taking the time to call, but I'm going to have to let you go, and get on to the next caller.

If Female: One of the crucial components of democracy is citizen-to-citizen interaction. I am planning a trip to Akron in the coming weeks. Perhaps you know of a candlelit bistro where we could meet for a liquer and discuss the political process?

If Male: Good night, and God Bless America.

END OF SCRIPT

If you'd like to get a phone call from me on election day, and you're an Ohio voter under the age of 25 (female preferred), simply sign up at Operation Ohio, and request a call from Travis LaFrance. Or if you'd like to call Ohio in these last crucial days, sign up at ACThere.